


Tobio is saved by two cats, and a crow of sunshine

by CheetahLeopard2



Series: Melancholy is an art form [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Kageyama Tobio, Depression, I swear, It'll just...., M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Take a long time, They save him, Touch Aversion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:04:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8550931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheetahLeopard2/pseuds/CheetahLeopard2
Summary: Kenma, Tetsurou, and Shouyou save Tobio by pulling them out of a river after they attempt to commit suicide. Tobio has depression, touch aversion, and believes that their sole purpose is to make others happy and that others is happy is all that matters.This is messed up and I don't want to hurt my child like this but I want to watch the three help them heal





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Start again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6418183) by [carxies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/pseuds/carxies). 



> For KeyofUV for talking to me on tumblr. 
> 
>  
> 
> So this is all I have so far. I know it's not satisfying and I'm sorry but the chapter probably won't be out this year. I have a lot to work on and I'm not really having good days so I don't want to focus much on this because it reminds me of some stuff through the really heavy tone I created.
> 
> This atmosphere was kind of a trace of what I felt from the beginning of Start again by carxies after I read it at 1 am and wrote this immediately afterwords

Tobio got home and was greeted by the sound of moans and the slap skin on skin.

They had just had a horrible day at work and all they wanted to do is come home and cuddle with their boyfriend. At first they had thought that the darkness of the entryway was due to the atmosphere that the rain outside the window created. When they heard the moans they assumed that their boyfriend had been watching porn. 

Tobio silently opens the door to the bedroom and sees who they thought was the love of their life entangled with a woman. If he were pounding her into the sheets instead of worshiping her and slowly thrusting as she moaned with his name on her breath with every wave of arousal would Tobio feel better than now? Would they have felt more anger, enough to storm into the room?

Tobio had never been the one for big confrontations. They had never been the the one to stop someone’s happiness. Tobio had never meant to let themself go. Tobio had never meant to get so broken. Tobio had never meant to be so  _ empty _ . 

Tobio remembers their first time seeing an animal that wasn’t forced to stay near them. The cat, a classmate’s, that attacked them on sight. The next was a gerbil that did not hesitate to bite their finger. They have the scar still, sometimes they rub it to remind themself that everyone has different opinions. They remember the dog that liked everyone except them. It’s said that animals can read a person’s soul. Maybe they could sense Tobio’s emptiness.

Tobio could remember their classmates. They remember the hate filled glares that started the first time they snapped at someone when they tried to tutor them and instead of learning the classmate hurled abuse at them. The first time they had taken control of something in their life, tried to stop someone’s happiness (Why would the classmate yell at them if it didn’t make him happy?) and actually got someone to listen to them. It earned them the nickname Ruler. 

Tobio remembered being so discouraged by the behavior of other humans that instead of joining the team of the sport they love, they practice along at a local gym.

Tobio remembered the first time someone had expressed interest in them. It had been late, they were on their way back from a late night at the gym. The woman had to have been a few years older than them. She smelled of fire, smoke, and a rotten mix of berries and acid that they later learned was the smell of alcohol. She had stumbled up to them and grabbed their arm, pushing them against the wall and forcing her tongue into their mouth, along with it an odd pill that made Tobio’s limbs too heavy to do anything. She forced down their skirt, then their underwear. She ignored Tobio’s silent sobs as she took their flaccid dick in her in her mouth as she fingered herself. When she forced herself down until their member was surrounded by her unwelcome heat and fucked herself on them. When the woman came and then pulled her own clothes back on before wandering off, leaving Tobio with limbs still too heavy to curl in on themself to be discovered by the owner of the bakery behind which they had been raped. 

Tobio remembered their parents hurling abuse at them, saying that they asked for it, wearing a skirt when they’re a man (“ _ No I’m not!”  _ Tobio want wanted to yell, but was never able to disrupt them. After all they were doing it because their parents wanted a son, right? That comes first.) and wandering around after dark. Tobio remembered being forced to go back to school the next day, pretend nothing happened even as everything hurt and they felt filthy and felt everyone knew that they are  _ used  _ and  _ grimy _ and  _ probably secretly wanted it _ . And it had made that woman happy. So they had no right to complain? (They pretended not to hear their voice crack when they send this to themself in the emptiness of their room, maybe to convince themself.)

Tobio remembered the next time someone had expressed interest in them. At a coffee shop, a sleazy looking man their age sat down across from them. Tobio remembered that man starting the conversation with a, “Hey I noticed you’re really cute so my friend dared me to come over here and hit on you. Since you’re lucky to even be noticed, want to go go back to my place?”.

Tobio remembered sitting there, frozen. Tobio remembered another man coming up behind them with milk tea and telling the other to, “Stop harassing my date-mate, you asshole.” Tobio remembered talking for hours, getting his number.

Tobio remembered many dates, an offer of a key to an apartment to share together. Tobio remembers promising to prioritize this man’s happiness over any and all others. (After all, it isn’t as though their happiness is important?)

Which is why Tobio simply turns back to the kitchen to make breakfast for their boyfriend and his apparent lover. And hopes that when the couple comes into the food later, the two of them would be happy. Tobio hopes that they are together a long time. That the two of them have kids. That the man who kept their memories just smile in happiness more. Tobio was not enough to make this man happy, but that woman is, so this is their thank you before they respectfully leaves the apartment for the last time without a glance back or any possessions. 

They wouldn’t need them anyway.

Tobio feels a slight pang in their heart before the emptiness, the hollowness rotting through their bones, takes over once more. As they look out at the mist gathering at the horizon, the colours that no longer have meaning to them breaking through the gentle morning sky they allow themself to remember true warmth. They cool wind seems to caress their arms, the air seemingly thicker, like a protective blanket. They are their own. Tobio feels at peace as they let go of the cold bars, allowing the air to wrap them in a loving embrace and bring the frost coating their being be gently melted away as they go weightless and enjoy the sensation of flying before impact and everything disappears.

As grey seeps into their vision, they apologize to the universe for keeping their life. They feel pity for whoever has gotten them now. Tobio wonders vaguely how they are alive, but decide not to dwell on it.

While Tobio is suspended in their own mind, they feel themself being swept off their feet. They are bundled into a nice place that smells clean in the way that is pure, ready to be changed by memories instead. It’s pleasantly balanced between warm and cold and they feel as though they are being hugged. Properly hugged like that person who thought they were someone else hugged them. It felt as though they were being sheltered from every and anything that would ever hurt them. And for the first time in a long time, they felt something ache as though being pulled, sharp and sweet around their diaphragm. Something telling them someone loves them very much and they can feel it. A pleasant voice whispering over and over in their head that they’re perfect in their imperfections and desperately telling them that they deserve the world and are amazing and loved and that they’re safe and protected here. It sounds as though the voice wants to shelter them and Tobio feels whole and drifts off more content that they ever have been.

When they are next pulled from sleep they are greeted by the smell of antiseptic and blindingly white ceiling tiles. A hospital. Turning their head they can see a short, orange-haired man who reminds Tobio of sunshine gesturing to a taller, rather attractive man whose black hair flops over fight eyes, he reminds Tobio of a panther, and a man only a few centimeters shorter than Tobio with blond and black hair and gentle features who looks like a cat.

The men probably were the ones to drag their barely-alive body out of the river. They must have taken time and resources from the lives of these men. Oh no, they should apologize. They clear their throat politely to get the men’s attention.

“You’re awake!” The Sunshine sounds relieved, why? (My opinion: Because Tobio is precious and perfect in his flaws and the best anyone ever deserves.)

“I’m sorry for inconveniencing you.” Tobio says, inclining their head to show respect.

The cat and the panther exchange a glance. Sunshine-hair looks confused, “You didn’t?” He says slowly, as though trying to understand why Tobio would say that.

Tobio is stunned into silence for a moment, “I am glad to hear that. Do you know where I can find a knife?”

The panther clears his throat, “I could ask a nurse. Why would you want one, though?”

Tobio blinks, wouldn’t it be obvious? “To die?”

And now the cat is looking at them. His gaze is unsettling as his soft, yet oddly strong voice makes Tobio want to rethink every decision he’s ever made, “And why would you do that?”

“I don’t make anyone happy so I have failed my purpose.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah the next chapter probably won't be out this year I'm sorry please comment with ideas and give me a reason to continue. I mean I might eventually anyways just to get it resolved but without some positivity linked to it it's... hard? Sorry


End file.
